Dealing with Critics & Overcoming Adversity
The Psychology Behind Zen
This article is out of deep inspiration from, well to put it nicely – haters.
What is adversity? Adversity is defined as misfortune and to have resiliency even through the most difficult of situations.
It would be boring if I wrote, “I’ve lived such a hard life, and been through a lot.” So I’ll get straight to it.
But first how is this even related to fitness, health, and nutrition?
Well it has a lot to do with it. If your mind is not in the right place, and you are easily getting bothered by critics, or negativity, it can affect your performance in the gym, and work. The ability to focus is a skill, and having these thoughts of critics and adversity, and not facing them, can eat you alive. I have some tips that I’ve learned along the way, and I think will help you be a little more stoic – my colleagues say I’m stoic.
Allow me to preface this article with a poem. Although the poem is a little vulgar, we all need a little drama, right? ;) I stumbled across this poem as I was surfing the web, and it really hit home:
I really enjoyed this one. Hopefully my thoughts offer a new brain wave of insight that can help you get through difficult times, people, and situations.
I’ve been around the block, and seen a lot Made some silly choices, but it turned out for the best. From people trying to back stab others to people genuinely trying to do right. My life story is my purpose and I have found one thing in common amongst people, and that is that you can not change how someone perceives you. No matter how hard you try and no matter how imperfectly perfect you think you may be – trying to prove to someone your worth and how great of a person you are is wasted energy.
One of my other favorite lines is:
Whatever you think of me, rethink it.
What They Eat Don’t Make You Sh*t
Basically that what others eat, or say, about you means nothing except for the meaning you give it. If you think about it every one of us has a life experience, we meet people and eventually put them in boxes. This is only human nature as it’s a protective instinct. Once you understand that you are, literally, in control of your future it somehow will magically all make sense some day.
I find it humorous when someone tells me something they heard about someone I know, or even myself, and the things they’ve heard somehow makes people the expert in knowing your true character.
It can be hard, for example, at work if people misjudge you or even worse start conversing assumptions about you that aren’t true. I know what it’s like especially in this online world where it does no one the justice, and it’s too easy to judge someone.
How do you deal with it? Better yet how do you handle situations that are not within your control?
One answer: You don’t deal with it.
You do your part and be bold by holding yourself to a standard of excellence, optimism, unapologetic, respect, and fairness. People can’t argue with you if you keep it fair and being stoic about situations. I write unapologetic as in be unapologetically, but respectfully, you. Don’t try to apologize for who you are or what you feel. What you feel is what you feel - it doesn’t have to be a positive nor negative emotion. Acknowledge how you feel, feel it, then move on.
As long as you know your truth and stay true to yourself that’s what ultimately matters.
That’s not to say to not have feelings, but rather to know when to emotionally engage and being selective about what deserves your emotional battery. In other words pick your poison.
Not everyone is going to see the best in you, and that’s the sad but true truth.
Stopping The Critics?
One thing I’ve learned thus far in life is people love to gossip especially juicy stuff that might ruin ones’ reputation. I’m not certain why people get a thrill out of this, and it’s a predatory and sickened way of thinking.
After all if you are happy because someone is faced with adversity and struggling, that’s a sick way of thinking.
If you’re a decent person though, it’ll help make you feel better about yourself because you’ll see just how twisted some people are and how good of a human you can be to at least give people the benefit of the doubt.
Sometimes the benefit of the doubt is still not enough, though…
Moral of the story is you can’t always change the narrative, but you can change your narrative and overcome the adversity to be and do better.
Every day is one day closer to our last day on earth, and wasting your energy and time on people who just see the worst in you is not doing you any favors. In fact having critics and nay sayers that take the time out of their life to write about how horrible you are just goes to show how miserable they are.
Happy people don’t go around gossiping online or in person about how horrible someone is.
Happy people actually like to see the success in others’ and wish others success and a reputable reputation. Miserable people who take the time to overtly speak negatively about someone else is actually a powerful thing. If you have someone doing that, that means you have their attention.
Attention is power.
So take it as a compliment if someone has their eye on you.
Overcoming adversity is not the easiest thing in the world, but until you’ve experienced it it’s the best teacher. It makes you feel stronger than everyone combined.
Maybe that’s why people tell me I’m so bold and strong. The adversity I’ve experienced has taught me a lot, and what ever someone thinks or says about you is none of your business. Afterall they’re entitled to their opinion. Facing adversity is how you will get to discover your true character and true self. People testing you, questioning you, and doubting you is your time for a breakthrough.
Breakdowns are Breakthroughs.
No one can drive you crazy unless you give them the keys… and the keys are in your hands.
Be bold, Be brave, Be beautifully you!
Be well.
Yelena